I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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