My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
