In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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