I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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