I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I want a musical about memes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
