I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
3pm strippers are depressing
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
