She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
as a side note pls kill me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
