Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize