discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
