Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
