He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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