Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
