I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
