Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
