Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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