if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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