So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
