Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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