Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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