My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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