I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
