she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
