So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
