Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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