farters have to be the big spoon...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
