it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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