are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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