Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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