She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
