Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
