dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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