I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
