Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
