i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
