Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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