smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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