Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
