so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I want her autograph on my taint
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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