..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize