just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
