scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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