You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
