I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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