Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
