Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I lost the right to judge tonight
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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