I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
