I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
