I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
