I want to have your abortion
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
