Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
