new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
