He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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