i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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