did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
