Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
