I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
They left me at home... I'm a liability
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize