Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
