Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
