$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
