He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
