she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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