There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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