Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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