I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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