put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
