I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
