I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
