tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
