it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
