Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So much rum. So many feels.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
