her vagine was all disorganized.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
