if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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