I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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