Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
