He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
