Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
