This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
