you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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