my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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