You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
