Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
