my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
