At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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