What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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