Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
