dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
