There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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