i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
