i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're like the curious george of whores
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
