i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
