It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
