I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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